Each marriage is unique. That includes the journey that couples go through and how they handle conflicts. And while nobody walks down the aisle while imagining possible scenarios of their separation, some life situations are inevitable.
According to reports, divorce filings have increased by more than 20 percent since the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic. Experts believe that the current global health crisis might have amplified marital discord that couples chose to ignore pre-pandemic. It might be for the sake of their children, families, fear, religion, or even hope.
For whatever reason, one factor in choosing to end your marriage remains true—there is life after that. Therefore, building your life back together is vital. And while it can be challenging, it’s best to protect what you can to focus on healing.
Protecting Your Peace
In the perfect world, parting ways without remorse, bitterness, and ill feelings is excellent. If anything, this will even help you arrive at better plans and agreements with your estranged spouse. This can range from your settlements, properties, custody, visitation rights, and financial obligations. Unfortunately, however, this isn’t always the case.
Some couples can end up in complicated situations that lead to emotional, mental, and physical health problems. If you aren’t careful, this can affect your personal life, your children, and the people around you. Therefore, it is essential to check in and surround yourself with people who genuinely care for you, including your friends and family.
Furthermore, know that you are free to do things you enjoy or revisit hobbies that give you purpose in life. This can help you work your way through the process and move forward with ease. After all, you entered this marriage with nothing but love and peace; therefore, there’s no reason you should deny yourself that in the process of ending it.
Of course, this can be tricky, especially in the age of social media and technology. One wrong move and your personal life can become a circus, especially if you live in a small neighborhood. Thus, it might be the best idea to go through the discernment process of the breakup. This is an ideal scenario that couples need to do to keep their respect for each other and arrive at a mutual agreement avoiding any misunderstanding later on.
Most importantly, choosing what to listen to and drowning out all unnecessary noises will give you peace of mind and help you focus more on your life after the separation.
Protecting Your Children
Ending a marriage with children involved is a challenging process every parent must go through. However, you need to handle it with caution as your physical separation can cause a long-term strain on your child’s growth, behavior, and overall mental health. If you aren’t careful, they might even carry this until adulthood.
This can range from depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, substance abuse, and potentially going against or breaking the law. On the other hand, children were found to succeed with parents who have had effective communication and developed healthy co-parenting skills and boundaries. Therefore, strive to create a healthy environment for them despite the situation.
You can start by not involving them with the marital issues you have. You’ll need to discuss these issues with your partner behind closed doors, and you must treat these talks as privately as you can. And if possible, you need to do it with the help of your lawyers and divorce mediation experts to settle your interests and explore practical solutions to your separation without too much stress and financial strain.
Regardless of the reason for the breakup, try not to outdo and bad-mouth your partner. Consequently, you shouldn’t use them as your therapist or outlet for your frustrations and grudges. It is not their responsibility to heal your wounds or repair a marriage that’s already falling out. While you can always get strength from them, remember that they are still children who depend primarily on you.
Always think about the repercussions of your actions towards your children later in life. Your current marital situation is not permanent, nor will your kids remain kids forever. You need to live in the moment and look straight ahead to better weigh in the decisions you have to make. Remember, your bond with your children and their mental health should not be a casualty of the fallout of your marriage.
Separation is never easy. People go through it in different phases and with different approaches, regardless of one’s gender. So it’s best to go easy on yourself. Go at your own pace and learn from each stage. It is your journey; thus, you should neither let anyone dictate how you handle it nor rush you into things.